Okay, a couple of things you need to know:
The sad thing about what I did here is that it’s too good. It looks like I just edited in a picture when, in fact, this took hours of editing. I’m so good at computers that I made this not look impressive.
Often, there is an incongruity between the type of person you tend to be attracted to and the type of person who tends to be attracted to you.
This was certainly true for me when I was a college student in Boston, Massachusetts. As an 18-year-old writing major, I was mostly into full figured, dark haired girls who seemed to dislike me at least a little bit. The type of people who tended to be into me, however, were much more likely to be a middle-aged men trawling the city for male teen prostitutes.
I’m so sorry to interrupt you, Very Bottom Of The Screen, but what the fuck are you talking about?
During last night’s coverage of the New Hampshire Republican Primary, Chris Matthews asked a question about how Republican voters feel towards Mitt Romney. And he asked it it kind of a funny way. Not in a super funny way. Just in a kinda funny way. He asked, “Do they luuuv him?” with a few extra “U” sounds.
Pay close attention to the last few seconds.
So…. Yeah. That happened. And it wasn’t a big deal. Probably I shouldn’t have even shown it to you. I’m sorry about that. But what I’m even more sorry about is that I spent four hours re-editing audio to make a song about it. I now apologetically present to you the song, Do They Luv Him?.
I really am sorry, you guys. I’ve wasted everyone’s time including my own.
Last night, MSNBC host Dylan Ratigan appeared on Rachel Maddow’s show to promote his new book, Greedy Bastards. They also planned to discuss a couple of other things including Republican presidential candidates. Just before introducing Dylan Ratigan, Rachel Maddow had a long intro about Romney, and, apparently, Dylan Ratigan DOES NOT LIKE MITT ROMNEY. Watch the face he makes. He’s disgusted.
Dylan! That is a really fantastic disgusted face! Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s too long winded or that you need to edit it down. It’s perfect. We’re all going to watch it for hours.
This is the third, experimental installment of A Guy Recaps Lady TV in which I – a guy who mostly watches CNN and the History Channel — watch a lone episode of a television program geared toward women and recaps it. Here, I take in a random episode of the very popular program, ”Gilmore Girls.”
Before we get started, I want to express to you how little I know about this show. I will do this by telling you the only two things about it I do know.
1. “Gilmore Girls” is about two girls.
2. “Gilmore Girls” is called Gilmore Girls, not Gilbert Girls, even though 100% of the time I say it in my own head, it’s Gilbert Girls.
That’s it. Beyond that, I know nothing. So, here is my best guess for what this show about. “Gilmore Girls” is a drama about the relationship between a gifted student and a free spirited teacher at an all female preparatory school called The Elizabeth Gilmore School for Young Women (Gilmore for short). Let’s see how this holds up!
Ed Schultz is a loud man with a very large face. In addition to that, he has a show on MSNBC. This past Tuesday, he participated in the cable news channel’s coverage of the Iowa caucuses. And here’s where you fucked up. You tweeted at Ed Schultz that he was easy on the Republicans. You should not have done that.
The following is a personal message from Ed Schultz to you about your tweets. He originally made a whole video that you can watch here, but I’ve cut it down to a more easily digestible 42 second version that I think still retains the levelheadedness and sober reasoning of the original. You could even argue that it makes more sense in its abridged version.
Seriously, you guys. Get with the program.
This is the second, experimental installment of A Guy Recaps Lady TV in which I – a guy who mostly watches CNN and the History Channel — watches a lone episode of a television program geared toward women and recaps it. Here, Noah takes in a random episode of the Lifetime drama, “Army Wives.”
Read the recap on xojane.com.
Normally, watching CNN during the day is miserable. Unless something especially “newsworthy” has happened, it’s mostly anchors talking about iPad apps and showing you YouTube videos. “Have you guys heard of this whole Angry Birds thing? And look at this raccoon breaking into a hardware store!” CNN covers the news during the day like a chef who gives up and has cereal for dinner. The only good thing that ever happens on CNN before 5:00 is when they introduce “Kate Baldwin,” and then they show her name, and it’s “Kate Bolduan.” That — we all have to admit — is a little fun. On Wednesday, however, a pretty good non-Kate-Bolduan thing happened. In fact, it was amazing.
At about 1:08 PM EST on CNN Newsroom, there was a story about the House Republicans walking away from the deal Senate Republicans had made with Senate Democrats to extend the payroll tax cuts and unemployment benefits. Republican Congressman Fred Upton from Michigan was being interviewed. Right off the bat, you could tell there wouldn’t be a video of an iguana stealing popcorn from an elderly lady or whatever, so already that was awesome.
Then, the anchor brought up that if the payroll tax cut expired, it would mean about $40 less per paycheck for an average earner. She then mentioned that the White House Twitter account had started the hashtag, “#40dollars” to try to pressure House Republicans. The White House had asked, “What does #40dollars mean to you?”
And, as the congressman and anchor went back and forth, shots of a computer screen showing some tweets on it began running as B-roll.
This is where the amazingness took over. CNN clearly didn’t intend for its viewers to read these tweets. It was just a visual aide to show that this thing was, in fact, happening on Twitter. They scrolled quickly down the screen for a second or two before getting back to the shot of the interview. And if you weren’t paying attention, you would have missed it. But if you thought something felt a bit off for second, and you rewound your DVR back to the moment right before they cut back to Fred Upton, you would have seen this:
Let’s zoom in a little on that second to last tweet.
YESSSSSS! CNN! They showed a tweet from a porn star named Vicky Vette participating in the 40-dollar-hashtag. “If every single one of my followers gives me #40dollars ~~ I will blow you all rt.” The “rt” at the end is perfection. And for one fleeting moment on Wednesday, daytime CNN was perfection as well.
Here’s Vicky Vette’s tweet so you can follow her and send her $40. You know, so you can get blown. Don’t forget to RT.
You can also read this on Funny Or Die if you want to read it all over again: Funny Or Die.
