This past weekend on MSNBC’s Up with Chris Hayes, a guest named Linda Hirshman was part of a panel talking about President Obama’s recent turnaround on his support for gay marriage. During the discussion, she brought up a good point about how the President’s support for gay marriage forces his political opponents to come out “affirmatively against gay rights,” which is a much more difficult political position. She then compared that to when, during the civil rights movement, the protests in the black community forced segregationist politicians into a similarly untenable position. It really was a good point. But, I was paying almost no attention to that because the way she said the words “black people” cracked me up so much. She actually didn’t even say it that strangely. It was just barely outside of the ordinary. But, to me, it kind of seemed like she…. sang it. It was like she sang the words, “black people”. Take a look.

See? Play it again if you need to. It’s great. And, as soon as I heard that, I immediately started thinking, “Wayne Newton!” Yeah. Wayne Newton. The way she said “black people” reminded me of how Wayne Newton sings the chorus in what is perhaps his greatest song. So now I present you with this thing I made. Which is absolutely not a thing.

That’s all. Feel free to continue your day as if you never saw this.

I have an appreciation for great food. I also have an appreciation for healthy food. I really do.

But appreciation isn’t love. I love gross food.

I remember being about four years old and trying a microwavable cannelloni that my mom was reluctantly eating. The runny ricotta and overcooked pasta melded into a texture I had never experienced in her cooking — my mom was actually a good cook. But, somehow, it blew my mind in the best possible way. From then on, I was hooked on almost anything processed or otherwise garbage-like.

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Okay, a couple of things you need to know:

1. Rachel Maddow has a crush on me.
2. I sometimes giver her data about the weather.
3. I work for the commerce department.
4. All of this is “weird.”

 

The sad thing about what I did here is that it’s too good. It looks like I just edited in a picture when, in fact, this took hours of editing. I’m so good at computers that I made this not look impressive.

Often, there is an incongruity between the type of person you tend to be attracted to and the type of person who tends to be attracted to you.

This was certainly true for me when I was a college student in Boston, Massachusetts. As an 18-year-old writing major, I was mostly into full figured, dark haired girls who seemed to dislike me at least a little bit. The type of people who tended to be into me, however, were much more likely to be a middle-aged men trawling the city for male teen prostitutes.

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I’m so sorry to interrupt you, Very Bottom Of The Screen, but what the fuck are you talking about?

During last night’s coverage of the New Hampshire Republican Primary, Chris Matthews asked a question about how Republican voters feel towards Mitt Romney. And he asked it it kind of a funny way. Not in a super funny way. Just in a kinda funny way. He asked, “Do they luuuv him?” with a few extra “U” sounds.

Pay close attention to the last few seconds.

 

So…. Yeah. That happened. And it wasn’t a big deal. Probably I shouldn’t have even shown it to you. I’m sorry about that. But what I’m even more sorry about is that I spent four hours re-editing audio to make a song about it. I now apologetically present to you the song, Do They Luv Him?.

I really am sorry, you guys. I’ve wasted everyone’s time including my own.

Last night, MSNBC host Dylan Ratigan appeared on Rachel Maddow’s show to promote his new book, Greedy Bastards. They also planned to discuss a couple of other things including Republican presidential candidates. Just before introducing Dylan Ratigan, Rachel Maddow had a long intro about Romney, and, apparently, Dylan Ratigan DOES NOT LIKE MITT ROMNEY. Watch the face he makes. He’s disgusted.

 

Dylan! That is a really fantastic disgusted face! Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s too long winded or that you need to edit it down. It’s perfect. We’re all going to watch it for hours.

This is the third, experimental installment of A Guy Recaps Lady TV in which I – a guy who mostly watches CNN and the History Channel — watch a lone episode of a television program geared toward women and recaps it. Here, I take in a random episode of the very popular program, ”Gilmore Girls.”

Before we get started, I want to express to you how little I know about this show. I will do this by telling you the only two things about it I do know.

1.     “Gilmore Girls” is about two girls.
2.    “Gilmore Girls” is called Gilmore Girls, not Gilbert Girls, even though 100% of the time I say it in my own head, it’s Gilbert Girls.

That’s it. Beyond that, I know nothing. So, here is my best guess for what this show about. “Gilmore Girls” is a drama about the relationship between a gifted student and a free spirited teacher at an all female preparatory school called The Elizabeth Gilmore School for Young Women (Gilmore for short). Let’s see how this holds up!

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Ed Schultz is a loud man with a very large face. In addition to that, he has a show on MSNBC. This past Tuesday, he participated in the cable news channel’s coverage of the Iowa caucuses. And here’s where you fucked up. You tweeted at Ed Schultz that he was easy on the Republicans. You should not have done that.

The following is a personal message from Ed Schultz to you about your tweets. He originally made a whole video that you can watch here, but I’ve cut it down to a more easily digestible 42 second version that I think still retains the levelheadedness and sober reasoning of the original. You could even argue that it makes more sense in its abridged version.

Seriously, you guys. Get with the program.

This is the second, experimental installment of A Guy Recaps Lady TV in which I – a guy who mostly watches CNN and the History Channel — watches a lone episode of a television program geared toward women and recaps it. Here, Noah takes in a random episode of the Lifetime drama, “Army Wives.”

Read the recap on xojane.com.