What I never considered a comfort in life until now is this:  If you have a friend who’s running into a convenience store and you shout “Hey, can you grab me a pack of Cheetos?”  he is for sure going to get you Cheetos.  It might not be the exact size bag you want, but you’re going to be eating from that bag exactly what you wanted.  At least that used to be the case.  Our friends south of the border really fucked it up.

I found this in a grocery store a few days ago.  How upset would you be if you asked for Cheetos and got these instead?  I’ll tell you how upset you’d be.  Very.  Because Chidos are disgusting.  As you can see at the bottom of the bag, the chips are are chili and lime flavored.  I guess that is technically true, but it would be more accurate to call them chilli then lime flavored.  Remember those old commercials for Mr. Goodbar where people used to argue the points “first you taste the peanuts then you taste the chocolate” versus “first you taste the chocolate then you taste the peanuts”?  And you’d just think “Shut the fuck up.  It tastes like a chocolate bar with peanuts in it.”  Well in the case of Chidos there’s no argument.  First you taste the chilli flavor.  The gross, underwhelming chilli flavor.  Then some seconds later, in some cases as much as 15 seconds later, you get a horrifying lime taste at the back of your throat.  Delicious cheesey powder never enters into it.  And on top of all of that, the bag design is horendous.  You would think if you were going to rip off the name of a chip you might as well rip off the bag too.   Anyway, I have no photoshop skills so I made my friend Joe Mande make the following fake Mexican chips.

Thanks, Joe.  No Thanks, Mexico.