There are only two things I do not love about ordering food to be delivered.  1.) I do not love talking to a human being on the phone while I’m wearing my sweat pants.  And 2.) I do not love not knowing the exact moment when I’m going to have to answer the door and have somebody see me in my sweat pants.  Well, I’ve got some great news for you if you’re me.  And that news is that Domino’s has the best online ordering system that has ever existed.  First of all, they have pasta in a bread bowl.  I know that’s not a function of the ability to order online, but I would end my own life before I would pass up the chance to give credit to pasta in a breadbowl.

FUCK YEAH, DOMINOS!!  They don’t even try to pretend like it’s not a retarded bread to pasta ratio.  They just put pictures up of mounds of bread each with a spoonful of pasta in the middle.  And that’s exactly what you get.  And it’s the best.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s get back to the brilliance of their online ordering process.  You just go on there and click on all the stuff you want.  Then you type in your credit card number.  And then you just wait for it to get to your house.  I’M FUCKING KIDDING, IDIOTS.  You don’t just wait for it to get to your house.  YOU WATCH THE PROCESS OF YOUR ENTIRE ORDER.  Check this out.

I GOT CONFIRMATION!  And Corina began custom-making my order at 2:33 PM.  So already I’m in love with Corina.  But she didn’t stop there.  No way would she stop there.

Whaaaaaat?!  Corina also put my order in the oven at 2:35.  So by this point I’m wondering, “Could I ever love anybody more than Corina?”

Hell yeah, I got it heatwaved.  My food was in a hot HeatWave bag at 2:43.  Nazi-like precision they were accomplishing over there at Domino’s.

This is where I got nervous.  What happened to Corina?  Yohan left the store with my order at 2:49?  I felt betrayed, but at the same time, I felt this new love for Yohan.  Yohan would now be the one to see my sweatpants.

Yep.  That’s right.  Yohan arrived.  He saw me in my sweatpants right when I most expected it and he gave me my wad of bread with a spoonful of pasta in it.   I’m going to be straight up real with you people right now.  Hands down, it was the 16th best dinner I’ve ever had.  And I never had to talk to anybody on the phone.  Oh also, they have a button you can click so everybody can watch your order’s progress on FaceBook.

Now, if only there were another button to add Corina and Yohan as FaceBook friends.  Domino’s, let’s get on that.